End of an Era

My house has been on the market for just about two weeks now. As I walk through each room, perfectly neat and neutralized it feels as if I am in someone else's house. Don't get me wrong, I like the colors just fine (in a Picasso's blue period sort of way) and they serve the very important purpose of helping me subtract my preferences and "self" from the environment. The softer colors and less offensive hues are also meant to attract a larger number of buyers. Here's hoping! After four months of back breaking work, it's nice to know that all of this DIY will be appreciated by someone.


I stood at the top of the stairs yesterday, where I've stood many times before, looking down on the foyer reflecting back to twelve years ago just after I moved in. The last box had been left in the appropriate room, the movers were gone and the house was silent. Light streamed in from the skylight and lit up the loft. I remember thinking, "This is mine. I can do whatever I want." Flash forward to yesterday, months of agonizing primer, paint, repeat; repairs and yard work later and I found myself thinking, "I hope the new owner loves living here as much as I have." I also thought, "It's the end of an era". 


This past year has seemed like the end of a couple of eras. I resisted this for a long time. I am not a person who is comfortable with change. It's not that I am stuck in my ways or don't want to evolve, it's just that I get used to things as they are. Like a lot of people I guess. Selling a house I've lived in for twelve years (my first house) and moving to a rental is truly the end of an era. I've had so many great times here, some heartache too but this house has been a witness to a decade of growth and regeneration. I started a business here, became a serious athlete here, fell in love with the man of my dreams here and sat many nights on my deck underneath the stars, sipping wine and just being grateful for being here. 


It's also the end of a running era. The end of trying to come back to an athlete that I will never be again. The end of striving to keep up with an old version of myself that no longer serves my new trajectory and what I want to have moving forward. I took myself off the racing circuit and am taking the time to let my injury heal, work on my mechanics and find other interests that will light me up as much as running fast used to. I look back on my athletic self of 2006 and marvel!  I am thankful I could experience that sort of success on the physical plane. I hope to run distance again but am fairly certain that it won't be at those same speeds. So another era ends but with that ending there is a new beginning. An opportunity to experience new things and grow in new ways. 


Getting better doesn't have to mean getting faster (though I am faster than I've ever been on the bike). It does have to mean that the experience is fulfilling no matter what. 


I am looking forward to renting, having the freedom to move if we need or want to, having a little more money to travel with or save. I am also looking forward to taking my time as I get back into the rhythm of running. No need to rush, push or try to chase the ghost of the runner I was. I get to take my time. Enjoy the process and be open to the possibilities. 


When I decided that the experience was more important than the things my life shifted. What seemed so valuable once, isn't really any more. End of an era. I think I'm OK with it. In fact, I think I can even welcome it.